Alright, after this post I have a new rule: no posting anything if it’s negative or if I’m in one of my undeniable emo moods. As the women who works at the credit card service center told me today, studying abroad is the chance of a lifetime. There’s no use moping when you can experience life. I’m never going to be able to afford to live in Morocco for 4 months ever again and I might as well “carpe diem”-it.
So, where do I start. I suppose an explanation of my uber-emo posts is in order. Camp has this weird affect on me. I love it when I’m not there, but I’m guaranteed to hate it at least half the time when I’m there. The atmosphere is so infectious and vibrant, but I’ve never felt like I belonged there. It’s a very lonely place when you consider that you live less than a 2 minute walk from 200 people. It drives me crazy that people act like you’re a part of camp and then exclude you five minutes later because you’re not rich/peppy/organized/smart/pretty enough. And honestly, I know that I’m not and I don’t need people reminding me about it.
Regardless, as I drove away I couldn’t help crying. It was about the same amount of tears as on the way there. I delude myself into thinking that I absolutely matter there (I don’t) or that people will realize that they miss me (they won’t.)
Sadly, I know if I can’t find something else next summer then I’ll be back and I’ll throw myself headfirst into the whirlwind again.
1 comment:
I wish you the best of luck on your study abroad experience. I think we can all be replaced at some point in time, but what's important is what we aspire to do while we aren't being replaced yeah?
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