Au revoir

I leave tomorrow morning and I am a total and absolute wreck. I don’t want to do this. The past few days have been awful; my stomach has been cramped, my skin has been breaking out, I haven’t been able to breathe, and I’ve had several minor panic attacks whenever I start thinking about camp.

This is such a bad idea. I miss my friends so much already and I’m going to miss the comfort of home as soon as I get through security at the airport again. I don’t want to go surround myself with trees, people who don’t like me very much, and traditions that I am not a part of. That’s not fun. I don’t want to do it.

I’ve spent the last few days plotting with my friends on all the diseases I could come up with just so I can come home: menegitis? Polio? Hepatits? It’s just so much easier now for me to go out there and be miserable than for me to back out now. I have so much control over the rest of my life, I don’t know why I let uncertainty and doubt fill my summers.

Honestly, I’m so low right now that the only place to go is up. I just really don’t think that it’s going to be okay.